Lessons We Learnt From Netflix's You: 5 Dos and Don’ts of a Healthy Relationship


Companionship is vital for our mental wellbeing. We look into the Lessons We Learnt From Netflix’s You and the 5 Do’s and Don’t of a Healthy Relationship.

The netflix series “You” blurs the line between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Many fans found themselves sympathising with Joe Goldberg – the psychotic and obsessive main character.


On the surface, Joe yearns for a normal healthy relationship but his obsession soon surfaces and we witness his dysfunctional tendencies.


TD;LR: You


You, a Netflix original series, has rapidly become one of the service's most popular shows. The plot revolves around Joe Goldberg, an employee at a bookstore, and his compulsive stalking and unusual behaviour.


It's not only an entertaining psychological thriller, but it's also packed with advice on the Do's and Don'ts of a healthy relationship.


Here are our list of the 5 Do’s and Don’ts to a healthy relationship:


Do: Express Your Feelings


Inform your spouse if you feel angry, unhappy, or lonely as a result of something he has done. They need to know how you feel so they can understand what you require from them, and you need to communicate your sentiments so they don't become buried within you. [1]


Throughout Season 3, Love is shown to be hiding her concerns regarding Joe’s fidelity and the lack of intimacy in the relationship, leading to quarrels and a catastrophic season finale.


Don’t: Keep Secrets


Even a pesky little secret you think is insignificant, can have a great impact on your relationship.Those you maintain because you assume they will 'guard your loved one' will only bring problems. [2]


Hence, it is imperative for you and your partner to open up regarding issues that pertain to your relationship and not withhold information that might affect you in the future. [3]


The circumstances in which Love’s ex husband had passed away had not been revealed to Joe. He was made to believe that he died under natural causes. However, if Love had come clean about her past marital issues and anger, Joe would have been more cautious in dealing with Love.


Do: Have a Sense of Self


Interdependence implies that you rely on one other for mutual assistance while maintaining your individuality as a distinct individual. [4]


You are aware that you have their acceptance and love, but your self-esteem is not dependent on them. You're there for each other, but you don't rely on each other to meet all of your needs. [5]


Joe is shown to reconcile with married life, raising a child in the quiet suburbs, which is unlike his personality. As a result, he grows to resent his wife and his child.


Don’t: Undermine Your Gut Feeling


Are you seeing a warning signal with someone but opt to dismiss it in the hope that you were mistaken? Do you have that gnawing feeling that your lover is lying to you, but you ignore it because you want to believe them so badly?


If so, you should pay attention to your gut feeling, instead of holding on to something that is familiar and toxic. [6]


Love notices Joe lying and acting differently, but dismisses it, only to find out that he has been lying to her about his infatuation with their neighbour. Joe too, has been having his fair share of problems dealing with Love’s manipulation and destructive behaviour.


Had they both paid attention to the warning signs, they would have saved themselves the heartache (and murder).


Do: Consider Going for Couples Therapy


If stress from your relationship has been spilling on to other aspects of your life, you feel unable to communicate, or are dealing with factors that are beyond your control, you might benefit from seeking professional help. [7]


Couples Therapy services provide counselling for a variety of relationship and marriage concerns, as well as infidelity and divorce/discernment issues. [8]


We see Love and Joe go for counselling, as they are unable to figure out why their relationship is failing. The counsellor then delves deeper into Joe’s feelings about being a father, and Love’s need to protect her family.


Although the counsellor is unaware of their criminal activities, she’s able to provide insight into their childhood trauma and codependency. [9]


All relationships require work and effort. However, there are ways to mend minor issues and stressful situations. A relationship is not be mentally and emotionally taxing, but supportive. [10]


It is important for us to build healthy relationships for overall well being.


You may also enjoy “Lessons We Learnt From Netflix’s Singles Inferno: How To Deal With Social Anxiety” or “Lessons We Learnt from Netflix’s Emily in Paris: Managing Stress at Work

 

This Valentine’s Day, we have partnered with Ferne Health to write about the ups and downs of relationships.


Check out our other pieces “The Ultimate Guide To Building A Healthy Relationship (2022)” and “5 Signs Your Relationship is So Stressful That It's Unhealthy

 

This piece was brought to you in collaboration with Ferne Health

Having open and honest conversations about sexual health and communicating your STI status to your partner helps foster a safe and healthy relationship. It is recommended for sexually active individuals to be tested for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Ferne Health is a digital health platform that delivers accessible, at-home solutions for sexual health. We provide teleconsultations, at-home testing kits or home visit tests, medication, birth controls, and supplements. Apart from providing discreet and convenient sexual healthcare solutions, Ferne actively advocates for body positivity, mental wellness and actively engages with like-minded brands to raise awareness on topics that promote self-care.


 

At frankie, we make mental healthcare and wellness easy for all with just one small task a day. Head on guided wellness journeys that understand your stressors or triggers or work with our behavioural and wellness professionals - all from the comfort and privacy of your home. Sign up for our Closed BETA here.

 

About Our Writer

Shahana is an avid pop culture enthusiast with a penchant for all things fashion. Living life with a pinch of sass and a generous dollop of flair, she finds herself collecting crystals and playing with tarot cards. Tell her your date of birth and she’d draw your birthchart for you. A young girl with a million dreams and billion hopes, prepping up for a future in this exciting world.


 

Disclaimer

This editorial section solely expresses the opinion of frankie and is not endorsed nor commissioned by any external party. The list is non-exhaustive. At frankie, we believe that your best provider of medical advice is your doctor. Please consult a doctor before undergoing any treatment or procedure.


 

References:


1. Rose Gould, W. (2020, February 5). 4 Things You Can Do Right Now To Build Emotional Intimacy With Your Partner. NBC News. https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/how-build-emotional-intimacy-your-partner-starting-tonight-ncna1129846.


2. E. Jaffé, M. (2020, January 1). Secretive And Close? How Sharing Secrets May Impact Perceptions Of Distance. PubMed Central (PMC). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7289348/.


3. Weir, K. (2020). Exposing the Hidden World Of Secrets. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/09/hidden-world-secrets.


4. J. Schlegel, R. (2009, February 1). Thine Own Self: True Self-Concept Accessibility And Meaning In Life. PubMed Central (PMC). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4714566/.


5. Knez, I., Eliasson, I., & Gustavsson, E. (2001, January 1). Relationships Between Identity, Well-Being, And Willingness To Sacrifice In Personal And Collective Favorite Places: The Mediating Role Of Well-Being. Frontiers. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00151/full.


6. Radin, D. (2005, February 1). Gut Feelings, Intuition, And Emotions: an Exploratory Study - PubMed. PubMed. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15750366/.


7. Schofield, M. J., Mumford, N., Jurkovic, D., Jurkovic, I., & Bickerdike, A. (2012, September 3). Short And Long-term Effectiveness Of Couple Counselling: a Study Protocol - BMC Public Health. BioMed Central. https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1471-2458-12-735.


8. Kysely, A., Bishop, B., Kane, R., Cheng, M., Palma, M. D., & Rooney, R. (2001, January 1). Expectations And Experiences Of Couples Receiving Therapy Through Videoconferencing: A Qualitative Study. Frontiers. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02992/full.


9. Huh, H. J., Kim, S., Yu, J. J., & Chae, J. (2014, September 16). Childhood Trauma And Adult Interpersonal Relationship Problems In Patients With Depression And Anxiety Disorders - Annals Of General Psychiatry. BioMed Central. https://annals-general-psychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12991-014-0026-y.


10. K. H. Lau, K. (2018, January 1). Examining the Effects Of Couples’ Real-Time Stress And Coping Processes On Interaction Quality: Language Use As a Mediator. PubMed Central (PMC). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6340998/.